I have been holding back on this for quite a while.

But what the heck?? This is absolutely pathetic. What in the world is it that is causing this?

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, let me explain.

Have any of you happened to notice the recent lack of reality in television? Especially “reality TV” which is, in all honesty, even more unrealistic. Randomly flicking through channels I’ve found women degrading themselves (allowing people to call them thing 1 and thing 2) in order to get married to some nondescript bachelor. Why?? I can’t condemn reality TV (I watch Top Chef and Project Runway, too…and like it); but is there really that much drama in real life? Nope. There aren’t that many betrayals or traumatic emotional events or anything. If some emotional event occurs, you deal with it in one way or another; you don’t create some sort of emotional sob story and not realize that’s what you’re doing. It’s like as soon as you have an oppurtunity to be famous you change personalities or do outrageous things. I don’t know what it’s like, but I don’t think people can be that mean to one another. When someone is watching you, maybe you have a huge urge to exaggerate a little?

Argh. And what’s more…why are there random not-very-historical shows on the history channel? Like Ax Men, that show about tree-murderers–”lumberjacks” who cut trees and have cool sporting events. Egad! Haven’t we gotten the whole “think green” –  ”we are part of the world and should not senselessely chop down wood” or “preserve the rainforest” deal? Why are we watching a tree-cutting show, when we as a nation have openly condemned (and we have) the ’decline’ of forests in an industrial society? Another show on the history channel: Ice Road Trucker (I actually kinda think that’s cool…but how is it a way to learn about our past?) or Monster Quest. Hunting for aliens can be done on some other channel! It’s like the History Channel is no longer concerned about history!!

Correction: The History Channel is no longer concerned about boring history. Which means we must be able to relate to as much of the stuff as possible. Why? Why not learn about it as it is, instead of dumbing it down or making it sound cooler? Cleopatra was not a “hot babe” (actually, it is said that she wasn’t at all attractive physically and that she seduced Caesar because of her intellect–yay smart people…moving on) she was the Queen of the Nile revered by all her people. Why are we, then, not talking about all of the advances, or significant changes that occured during her time; but instead listening to some host applying the latest “lingo” to matters that are more important than that? Are we just learning differently? What? It’s as if the History Channel needs to find people who aren’t interested in history to watch the show, so they’re trying to make it sound cooler. As a person who likes history regardless, I hate how they actually avoid serious events that may sound a little dull in order to talk more about the cool things. Maybe if it was told properly, without the banal use of “hip” words or trite phrases to sound cool, some normal person could actually find it more interesting.

Now, stop me if I go on a rant here, but…

Oh, wait. You can’t! Bwahahaha! You can’t stop me because if you are currently reading this on your screen I have already written it and therefore am controlling you. Hear that? Huh? Your subjugation is at hand, and as all evil tyrannical power-hungry maniacs I wish to wax eloquently on topics only I can be interested in.

E.g my latest subject to rant about. Not being able to rant. Now, while this may not really make any sense, bear in mind that I’m an insane carbon-based life form that is currently subjugating you, so questioning me will undoubtedly be your downfall. At this point, I steeple my fingers and chuckle menacingly. At least, that’s what I want you to think.

Where is my lack of inspiration coming from? I used to be good at ranting. I could go to any location in the world, see something that was somewhat interesting and blow it out of proportion. What’s happening? Are the Gods of Insanity finding me in disfavour? Have I not attacked random people with enough polka-dotted umbrellas or given enough sacrifices of pure rubber duckies? I think I have. Maybe they just don’t like me, or are in a bad mood. Silly Gods. Insanity has to be given to everyone generously. It does. Or else no one will be wearing the big white jackets and fed the wobbly jello. And why is jello so wobbly? What in the world do they put inside that thing? It’s not really cooked, is it? Maybe it’s made out of those toxic materials that look rather like green slime that turn people into mushrooms. And then, maybe they attack you. There’s a movie like that you know: Attack of the Mushroom People. No seriously, look it up. Though I don’t see why people would think it at all scary. If a five foot mushroom came out at you going ‘grmblrwarghleshmuffins’ why would you be screaming? I’m all for a good grmblrwarghleshrmuffins myself, but really. How does one instill fear into masses through that?

…you are utterly, utterly bored?

Rant of course!! I must find a reason to rant first, however, I’m not sure what it would be.

Maybe my I’m-tired-of-being-attacked-because-of-my-intellect rant will be alright for this occasion. I haven’t used it in some time.

And I am, you know. Tired of being attacked because of my intellect. If you have the correct answer to something and you just so happen to answer the question more than once than someone looks at you as if you’re a genius or as if you are a cretin that should be stepped on. It’s not like I’m the only one who knows the answer! Every one else can make something up or raise their hand (or whatever they do) and answer the question themselves! Gah! Why don’t they? Because they actually want to look unintelligent. Why is intelligence something to view with contempt in the first place? Why would you want to look like a twit? I like looking smart, thank you very much, so things like, “Oh Athena, you’re so smart” is not actually an insult to me! Why should it be?

This is an intellectual hierarchy that we live in and in the knowledge equals power world, the more intelligent you are the more powerful you can become. What’s so wrong in that? It’s nice! It’s a good thing that we measure the worth of man (as in human) through skill as opposed to some random nonsense now. So why is my generation so intent on dumbing themselves down? Is it some weird inferiority complex? How can people be so…idiotic?

Did you know that there are labels on things that say “finished products not tested on animals?”

Yes indeedy, I heard this from a good pal o’ mine and it’s made me mad enough to rant….so I will.

Gah! Don’t you think it’s bad enough that people try to be over-wordy just so you have no clue what your buying? But nooo, lets take it a step further and make it so that people who don’t really want to use something that has potentially been tested on animals and may or may not have hurt them (m & m’s come on!! …more on that later) and it usually is may, do not doubt it, and trick them into buying something they don’t want to! Labels and loopholes are all fun to use if you’re trying to attack communicate with your favorite author and can’t because of a stupid, unnecessary restraining order…but I digress. What about the steps going up to the finished product? Obviously they have been tested on animals or you wouldn’t have put in the word finished so no one would sue you. Stop testing things on poor critters who have no idea they’re going to be dissected later! I’m not even an animal person (nor do I find any life form important, except for trees) but this is just wrong. Gah!

Do not ask about the m&m thing, I shall not talk about it. But I love m&m’s too. It makes me sad.

Of course this isn’t the thing that gets me really going. I really don’t like animals. I do, but only from a safe distance. And even then…not much. But they’re still people! …sort of…?

Harry Potter is almost over and as I wait anxiously for the next copy I realize I may have nothing else to live for after this point.

I mean, it’s been two years! I’ve waited two years for this! This is greater than anything else I have and maybe even will achieve! (Honestly I hope ’tis not so. ‘Tis is a funny contraction.) Nuuuuu. I know exactly what will happen, for I will read the book in one night, forgeting to eat, sleep or breathe, and then the next day I will have nothing to do but tell other people (not on purpose) the ending. They beat me up last time I said Dumbledore died. I mean, I was upset too. I spent the next two minutes crying (which wasn’t good since I was in a store and people were looking at me funny–one guy came up to me to ask what’s wrong and I sobbed, “Dumbledore died!” He gasped and looked at me like I had dashed all his dreams and went away depressed…Others nearby yelled at me for giving away the ending) and I was even in a depressed funk for about two weeks. Dumbledore is gone! It’s still painful, but not so bad.

I bet Harry’ll die though. Not that I care. I mean, I like Harry, he’s an okay dude. But, I mean come on! Compared to Dumbledore, I would rather have Harry die. No offense to those readers that are obsessed and worship Harry. I do too. But if he dies it won’t affect me as much.

Ah well, there goes the life I once had. I must find a new series to fixate hopes and dreams on! Hello Artemis Fowl! 

…is a big meanie!!!  He is!! He totally is!  I mean, okay he wrote De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the revolutions of heavenly spheres) and finally got through to the world that the earth was not the center of the universe. I mean, humans are self-centered and naturally thought everything revolved around them. Because they’re oh-so-special, and oh-so-wonderful! Have we, as a whole species–not just a few of the intelligent ones…and there aren’t many of those around anymore nowadays, ever thought that we weren’t the greatest, most powerful, most intelligent beings out there? I respect Copernicus for his ability to give us a good shake back to perspective. But he’s still a big meanie! Though everyone thinks his discovery was a landmark, it really wasn’t. Nicolaus was not the first to have that bright idea. …I have just disproven myself. I’m okay with it. Copernicus I suppose is free to know that he is respected by great wonderful people. Like Goethe, Nietzsche (that guy has a huuuuuge moustache) and now me!

Time to Rant!

Why???? THE INHUMANITY!

I would like to state for the record that I am not a strange human who has no life except to rant about various things most people do not notice or care about.

I’m a strange human wh has no life except to rant about various things most people do not notice or care about on the internet.

Now that this matter has been clear, I’m going to go straight ad rem.

The injustice towards Pluto has caused me deep injury. No, I am not joking. Do you think Pluto deserves this?

For those of you beings who don’t understand a word I’m saying, I’ll give you the “news”.

Scientists have demoted Pluto. Pluto is no longer a planet. It’s a dwarf planet (because it’s too far away from the sun, or too small…whatever). Along with all the other “dwarf” planets behind Pluto (like 2003UB313) or in front of it (you know that asteroid named Ceres? It’s apparently not an asteroid.). And Charon? Pluto’s Moon? Nope. Nuh-uh, we can’t have that! It’s a “double-dwarf planet”. Charon and Pluto are a pair of planets. Like planets are socks! Gah.

So what? You may be thinking. Pluto is no longer a planet, big deal. It’s got nothing to do with me.

Well, bub, I’ve got two answers for ya.

Answer number one: I don’t really care about you, so go away, or stay and listen as I blow off some steam. Whatever.

Answer number two: You’re wrong. It has everything to do with you.

Okay, so Pluto’s been demoted. You know that. But if you are my age (or older…or a tad younger) and asked how many planets there were, what would your answer be. I know I would answer nine. Maybe it’s because the human mind is stubborn and it refuses to change because of something old and bald dudes sitting inside some cramped “science-y” space decide. Or maybe it’s because we’re so used to this. Why is Pluto not a planet? Does is not deserve to be a planet anymore? Should we actually be demoting things we know not of? Because four hundred and sixty-five years ago*,  we all knew the Earth was the center of the universe, and two hundred and twenty-six years ago, we all knew that there were only six planets. And now we all know that Pluto is not a planet. What’s next? And who are we to name things planets or not planets? My guess is human nature is the cause of all changes, and as we strive for things higher than we can achieve we have to realize and learn way new things. So as I leave, I shall merely quote Galileo. “It still moves.”

Don’t even think I’m done yet. I’m done with my rant about Pluto. But not with my rant about Pluto.

 How come Pluto has to be locked up in a kennel when Goofy, who is also a dog, goes golfing with Mickey? What’s up with that? Goofy is a dog! But he can talk properly, walk on two feet, wear clothing and be an interesting side-kick. But Pluto is just a dog that fetches papers and sleeps in a doghouse and lies by his master Mickey’s side. Does that mean that Pluto was once a normal Disney Character like Goofy until he was enslaved by a spell that kept him prisoner? How is it fair that two dogs are not equal?

I have decided to create the “Save Plutos!” committee.

*I’ll rant about Copernicus later.