Now, stop me if I go on a rant here, but…

Oh, wait. You can’t! Bwahahaha! You can’t stop me because if you are currently reading this on your screen I have already written it and therefore am controlling you. Hear that? Huh? Your subjugation is at hand, and as all evil tyrannical power-hungry maniacs I wish to wax eloquently on topics only I can be interested in.

E.g my latest subject to rant about. Not being able to rant. Now, while this may not really make any sense, bear in mind that I’m an insane carbon-based life form that is currently subjugating you, so questioning me will undoubtedly be your downfall. At this point, I steeple my fingers and chuckle menacingly. At least, that’s what I want you to think.

Where is my lack of inspiration coming from? I used to be good at ranting. I could go to any location in the world, see something that was somewhat interesting and blow it out of proportion. What’s happening? Are the Gods of Insanity finding me in disfavour? Have I not attacked random people with enough polka-dotted umbrellas or given enough sacrifices of pure rubber duckies? I think I have. Maybe they just don’t like me, or are in a bad mood. Silly Gods. Insanity has to be given to everyone generously. It does. Or else no one will be wearing the big white jackets and fed the wobbly jello. And why is jello so wobbly? What in the world do they put inside that thing? It’s not really cooked, is it? Maybe it’s made out of those toxic materials that look rather like green slime that turn people into mushrooms. And then, maybe they attack you. There’s a movie like that you know: Attack of the Mushroom People. No seriously, look it up. Though I don’t see why people would think it at all scary. If a five foot mushroom came out at you going ‘grmblrwarghleshmuffins’ why would you be screaming? I’m all for a good grmblrwarghleshrmuffins myself, but really. How does one instill fear into masses through that?