I have been holding back on this for quite a while.

But what the heck?? This is absolutely pathetic. What in the world is it that is causing this?

If you have no clue what I’m talking about, let me explain.

Have any of you happened to notice the recent lack of reality in television? Especially “reality TV” which is, in all honesty, even more unrealistic. Randomly flicking through channels I’ve found women degrading themselves (allowing people to call them thing 1 and thing 2) in order to get married to some nondescript bachelor. Why?? I can’t condemn reality TV (I watch Top Chef and Project Runway, too…and like it); but is there really that much drama in real life? Nope. There aren’t that many betrayals or traumatic emotional events or anything. If some emotional event occurs, you deal with it in one way or another; you don’t create some sort of emotional sob story and not realize that’s what you’re doing. It’s like as soon as you have an oppurtunity to be famous you change personalities or do outrageous things. I don’t know what it’s like, but I don’t think people can be that mean to one another. When someone is watching you, maybe you have a huge urge to exaggerate a little?

Argh. And what’s more…why are there random not-very-historical shows on the history channel? Like Ax Men, that show about tree-murderers–”lumberjacks” who cut trees and have cool sporting events. Egad! Haven’t we gotten the whole “think green” –  ”we are part of the world and should not senselessely chop down wood” or “preserve the rainforest” deal? Why are we watching a tree-cutting show, when we as a nation have openly condemned (and we have) the ’decline’ of forests in an industrial society? Another show on the history channel: Ice Road Trucker (I actually kinda think that’s cool…but how is it a way to learn about our past?) or Monster Quest. Hunting for aliens can be done on some other channel! It’s like the History Channel is no longer concerned about history!!

Correction: The History Channel is no longer concerned about boring history. Which means we must be able to relate to as much of the stuff as possible. Why? Why not learn about it as it is, instead of dumbing it down or making it sound cooler? Cleopatra was not a “hot babe” (actually, it is said that she wasn’t at all attractive physically and that she seduced Caesar because of her intellect–yay smart people…moving on) she was the Queen of the Nile revered by all her people. Why are we, then, not talking about all of the advances, or significant changes that occured during her time; but instead listening to some host applying the latest “lingo” to matters that are more important than that? Are we just learning differently? What? It’s as if the History Channel needs to find people who aren’t interested in history to watch the show, so they’re trying to make it sound cooler. As a person who likes history regardless, I hate how they actually avoid serious events that may sound a little dull in order to talk more about the cool things. Maybe if it was told properly, without the banal use of “hip” words or trite phrases to sound cool, some normal person could actually find it more interesting.

Now, stop me if I go on a rant here, but…

Oh, wait. You can’t! Bwahahaha! You can’t stop me because if you are currently reading this on your screen I have already written it and therefore am controlling you. Hear that? Huh? Your subjugation is at hand, and as all evil tyrannical power-hungry maniacs I wish to wax eloquently on topics only I can be interested in.

E.g my latest subject to rant about. Not being able to rant. Now, while this may not really make any sense, bear in mind that I’m an insane carbon-based life form that is currently subjugating you, so questioning me will undoubtedly be your downfall. At this point, I steeple my fingers and chuckle menacingly. At least, that’s what I want you to think.

Where is my lack of inspiration coming from? I used to be good at ranting. I could go to any location in the world, see something that was somewhat interesting and blow it out of proportion. What’s happening? Are the Gods of Insanity finding me in disfavour? Have I not attacked random people with enough polka-dotted umbrellas or given enough sacrifices of pure rubber duckies? I think I have. Maybe they just don’t like me, or are in a bad mood. Silly Gods. Insanity has to be given to everyone generously. It does. Or else no one will be wearing the big white jackets and fed the wobbly jello. And why is jello so wobbly? What in the world do they put inside that thing? It’s not really cooked, is it? Maybe it’s made out of those toxic materials that look rather like green slime that turn people into mushrooms. And then, maybe they attack you. There’s a movie like that you know: Attack of the Mushroom People. No seriously, look it up. Though I don’t see why people would think it at all scary. If a five foot mushroom came out at you going ‘grmblrwarghleshmuffins’ why would you be screaming? I’m all for a good grmblrwarghleshrmuffins myself, but really. How does one instill fear into masses through that?