Archive for February 2007
Ahhh, sadness…
Harry Potter is almost over and as I wait anxiously for the next copy I realize I may have nothing else to live for after this point.
I mean, it’s been two years! I’ve waited two years for this! This is greater than anything else I have and maybe even will achieve! (Honestly I hope ’tis not so. ‘Tis is a funny contraction.) Nuuuuu. I know exactly what will happen, for I will read the book in one night, forgeting to eat, sleep or breathe, and then the next day I will have nothing to do but tell other people (not on purpose) the ending. They beat me up last time I said Dumbledore died. I mean, I was upset too. I spent the next two minutes crying (which wasn’t good since I was in a store and people were looking at me funny–one guy came up to me to ask what’s wrong and I sobbed, “Dumbledore died!” He gasped and looked at me like I had dashed all his dreams and went away depressed…Others nearby yelled at me for giving away the ending) and I was even in a depressed funk for about two weeks. Dumbledore is gone! It’s still painful, but not so bad.
I bet Harry’ll die though. Not that I care. I mean, I like Harry, he’s an okay dude. But, I mean come on! Compared to Dumbledore, I would rather have Harry die. No offense to those readers that are obsessed and worship Harry. I do too. But if he dies it won’t affect me as much.
Ah well, there goes the life I once had. I must find a new series to fixate hopes and dreams on! Hello Artemis Fowl!
1 comment February 23, 2007
Rant, A how-to.
I have seen and heard of “rants” in the media, various books even magazines.
But, not one of these rants truly are rants.
In fact to truly rant, one must have years of practice.
First, let me speak of emotions. Emotions are the core of the rant, and while the subject may vary and the train of thought may continue from one to another the emotion sets the tone and stays the same. Unless of course, it too changes. But that occurs rarely and when it does so, it is barely noticable as the change is either slight, or so slow and gradual the one who listens to the ranter (the rantee, perhaps) cannot notice until the end, perhaps some time after the rant is cut off.
Note, dear Reader, that I did not say “rant is finished” in the above sentence. I did not say it merely because a rant never finishes. One gets interrupted but the thoughts never cease (unless of course you were interrupted by death) and the inner turmoil continues.
Where was I? Emotions. Yes, but first I shall allude to my previous transition. A rant goes on and on until someone checks him or herself and goes back to the topic that started it all. In this way a rant has an infinite amount of topics that starts with one thing and might as well end with thousands of others.
But we were speaking of emotions. The usual emotion is annoyance, frustration, perhaps even anger. These can sometimes be called tirades. But I have never heard a depressing rant. Usually the annoyance fades away into acceptance and the rant itself also trails of into nothingness. Acknowledgement of oneself and others can do very bad things indeed.
Let us move on to the next component of a rant.
One has to at all times, rant until they are no more, for ranting brings into the mind a great sensation of transcendence. That is all.
When one rants for so long that the starting topic has been forgotten, the purpose has been achieved. For instance when I rant about ranting and how others cannot rant, and you know how annoying it is when people just complain and then say, “oh sorry, I just like ranting” but they don’t know that there’s a big difference and they’re so annoying, not just because of that but also because they like to complain, but I like to complain, and I suppose I’m complaining now but it isn’t the same as ranting because I can rant without whining or complaining, though they might be seen to ignorant people as the same kind of thing, and speaking of which did you hear–?
The above, my dear Reader, was a true rant. See how it is all one sentence. It is truly effective however when one is able to speak multiple languages. This way one can transition from one language to the next and fade back into the first one (preferably the first one is the one spoken by your listener). This way you can end your rant with, “Isn’t that right?” and have achieved another purpose of ranting.
Purpose
The purpose of the rant is unclear to many, but there are a few wise and learned ones who do know.
Ranting is used mainly to annoy, confuse, anger or create general mayhem and or distraction.
Ranting also brings about enlightenment. Or more annoyance. Whichever.
I like to rant, and that for me, says everything.
Dear reader, I told you about ranting because I like to rant and I hope you recognize them. I also, wish you the best of luck in your own ranting ventures. And now I want to rant.
I cannot stand people who do not know how to rant so I create a guide that no one will read, but why am I doing it if I know it won’t be used as a guide at all–not like that is necessary either I just need to vent but I can do that when I rant and I think I should go now before the people with the white coats come now because they always come around now and they take me away in a van to the place and why do they have to do that all the time anyway–I just want to rant, it’s not like I’m going to attack someone in my stupor or anything or do stuff like find someone that I know and talk to them until their ears bleed and maybe that’s why they stay away from me but I think it’s just because they’re weird and those people are here now, I wonder why they’re late and they’ve got something shiny with them…
Woooooooo. Everything is wooooooooo.
Add comment February 23, 2007
Copernicus
…is a big meanie!!! He is!! He totally is! I mean, okay he wrote De revolutionibus orbium coelestium (On the revolutions of heavenly spheres) and finally got through to the world that the earth was not the center of the universe. I mean, humans are self-centered and naturally thought everything revolved around them. Because they’re oh-so-special, and oh-so-wonderful! Have we, as a whole species–not just a few of the intelligent ones…and there aren’t many of those around anymore nowadays, ever thought that we weren’t the greatest, most powerful, most intelligent beings out there? I respect Copernicus for his ability to give us a good shake back to perspective. But he’s still a big meanie! Though everyone thinks his discovery was a landmark, it really wasn’t. Nicolaus was not the first to have that bright idea. …I have just disproven myself. I’m okay with it. Copernicus I suppose is free to know that he is respected by great wonderful people. Like Goethe, Nietzsche (that guy has a huuuuuge moustache) and now me!
Add comment February 21, 2007
A little bit off-topic
Time to Rant!
Why???? THE INHUMANITY!
I would like to state for the record that I am not a strange human who has no life except to rant about various things most people do not notice or care about.
I’m a strange human wh has no life except to rant about various things most people do not notice or care about on the internet.
Now that this matter has been clear, I’m going to go straight ad rem.
The injustice towards Pluto has caused me deep injury. No, I am not joking. Do you think Pluto deserves this?
For those of you beings who don’t understand a word I’m saying, I’ll give you the “news”.
Scientists have demoted Pluto. Pluto is no longer a planet. It’s a dwarf planet (because it’s too far away from the sun, or too small…whatever). Along with all the other “dwarf” planets behind Pluto (like 2003UB313) or in front of it (you know that asteroid named Ceres? It’s apparently not an asteroid.). And Charon? Pluto’s Moon? Nope. Nuh-uh, we can’t have that! It’s a “double-dwarf planet”. Charon and Pluto are a pair of planets. Like planets are socks! Gah.
So what? You may be thinking. Pluto is no longer a planet, big deal. It’s got nothing to do with me.
Well, bub, I’ve got two answers for ya.
Answer number one: I don’t really care about you, so go away, or stay and listen as I blow off some steam. Whatever.
Answer number two: You’re wrong. It has everything to do with you.
Okay, so Pluto’s been demoted. You know that. But if you are my age (or older…or a tad younger) and asked how many planets there were, what would your answer be. I know I would answer nine. Maybe it’s because the human mind is stubborn and it refuses to change because of something old and bald dudes sitting inside some cramped “science-y” space decide. Or maybe it’s because we’re so used to this. Why is Pluto not a planet? Does is not deserve to be a planet anymore? Should we actually be demoting things we know not of? Because four hundred and sixty-five years ago*, we all knew the Earth was the center of the universe, and two hundred and twenty-six years ago, we all knew that there were only six planets. And now we all know that Pluto is not a planet. What’s next? And who are we to name things planets or not planets? My guess is human nature is the cause of all changes, and as we strive for things higher than we can achieve we have to realize and learn way new things. So as I leave, I shall merely quote Galileo. “It still moves.”
Don’t even think I’m done yet. I’m done with my rant about Pluto. But not with my rant about Pluto.
How come Pluto has to be locked up in a kennel when Goofy, who is also a dog, goes golfing with Mickey? What’s up with that? Goofy is a dog! But he can talk properly, walk on two feet, wear clothing and be an interesting side-kick. But Pluto is just a dog that fetches papers and sleeps in a doghouse and lies by his master Mickey’s side. Does that mean that Pluto was once a normal Disney Character like Goofy until he was enslaved by a spell that kept him prisoner? How is it fair that two dogs are not equal?
I have decided to create the “Save Plutos!” committee.
*I’ll rant about Copernicus later.
1 comment February 9, 2007
What noise does a Groundhog make?
It’s groundhog day! Groundhog day! We won’t be having any more winter! Nuh-uh! Go away! Bad freezing cold weather, forcing me to turn into an icey-cube! Though I do like cubes. I like all square things. I seem to have a habit of squaring anything that’s important. I dunno why.
Speaking of Groundhog Day, why does the most technologically advanced country in the world rely on a rodent to ascertain whether or not winter shall continue?
Tex ate three marshmallows today. I’m not sure whether marshmallows should be eaten by a penguin. But then he burped and clapped it’s wings together. And I squeezed it until it’s eyes bulged out gave it a hug. I like Tex. I’m keeping him!
….Maybe I should rethink my “Goodbye Winter!” deal.
Add comment February 2, 2007
A simple questioning.
There are many questions that make us think. Sometimes, I think I can answer them all and that my life is simple, happy and wonderful. And then there are other times when the world is filled with unanswerable mysteries that cannot be solved by a mere mind, like mine. Maybe that’s why I went nuts.
I suppose many others are driven insane by the most obvious questions. For instance, “What is life? Why am I here? What is the purpose of life?” or, apparently the most scary one, “What happens after?”, but I’ve already dealt with all of those. They aren’t that difficult to answer. Life is life, you live to live and after life…well, after life there’s death (or more life, if you happen to be a hippie).
But in all honesty there are much more after just the most easy ones. More questions after we move on from the issues of life. Whether life is all an illusion, if it doesn’t exist, is there an unfathomable source of energy controling this vast universe, about the lines between reality and fiction and where we stand as human beings. There is a greater question that can never be answered no matter how many times we try, no matter how many philosophers, scientists, teachers, artists or children we ask.
Where does that sock go? I put in a pair of my favorite, fuzzy rainbow socks (with fuzzy trimming) to wash and out comes one fuzzy rainbow sock. The other sock is gone. It is not in the washing machine, I did not drop it, it didn’t get up and leave while I wasn’t looking. Where did it go? Why did only one dissapear?
Now many have surmised many things:
- The sock is eaten by a sock monster that resides in the dryer.
- The dryer is a sock monster.
- The sock went to a “sock heaven”, leaving the other one behind.
- Only one of them got invited to a “sock rave”.
- The Moirae from the times of my namesake, decided to play a cruel trick and take one sock, leaving me woebegone and with only one sock with which to get frustrated by.
- One sock told another sock to hide until I threw it out, and then that sock would appear and I would be upset.
- Or, said sock told other sock that it would be fun if one of them dissapeared and the other just stayed there for me to get irritated by.
- WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MY SOCK????????
In the end, the theories and counter-theories, the algorithms and the philosophical questions do nothing to help me. This question shall never be answered.
Add comment February 2, 2007
